My daughter recently had one of those moments I think all women face at some point in their lives. She was trying to pick out an outfit for school and she said those famous terrible words “I have nothing to wear.” A part of me was annoyed because she chose most of her clothes herself and I bought the majority of them, but a bigger part of me was sympathetic. I mean, I’ve been there- more than a few times. I’m not sure what came over me, but right in that emotional moment I told her to grab everything that she no longer liked and toss it into a pile on the floor… And I meant it- everything. I’m sure some people would think I’m a little crazy or a lot wasteful, but I let her purge…right then and there. I wanted her to be honest about how she felt in those clothes- which ones made her feel good about herself and which ones just needed to go. In the end there wasn’t much left. We did it together, with a few tears and a lot of laughs… we tore through that closet and…
As with all things in life I took away a few lessons from this experience…
Here Are 5 Things I Learned From Helping My Teen Daughter Get Rid Of The Clothes She No Longer Loves:
1. A closet full of clothes doesn’t always bring you joy – in fact, it can bring you to tears.
A lot of us (not me) dream of owning a walk in closet full of clothes and shoes and bags and accessories, but guess what...it might not bring you what you’re looking for. I have worked to help people purge their closets numerous times and most of the clothes hanging in those big dreamy walk in closets do just that… hang. My daughter was a prime example that sometimes more is just more. And in her case, more to get rid of. What should you want instead? A dreamy closet full of clothes that fit and are flattering! Get yourself together. Stop trying to have so much and focus on owning what makes you feel beautiful.
2. Do you even have basics?
Seriously, Do you? Make sure you have the basics every time you enter a new season. When is the last time you refreshed your t-shirts or made sure you own at least one… and not a stained one? Are your white tank tops dingy from wearing the same ones all summer? Do you have basic neutral pieces that go with everything? My daughter didn’t and I bet most of you don’t either. Sometimes it’s way more fun to buy the bright pink shorts without considering the fact that you don’t own a single neutral shirt to wear with them. So guess what happens? Those cute pink shorts sit in your drawer waiting for you to buy a boring white shirt so they can finally be worn. So go get yourself some basics and some neutrals. Please.
3. Stop buying a bunch of pieces that don’t go together.
Get pieces that go together so you look like you have more than you do. Try this… buy clothes that can build outfits…not just a cute top, but a cute top that matches numerous bottoms. Now, I’ll be honest, I just learned more about this method. I’m starting to figure out how to do this with my own wardrobe. I am keeping this in mind when I’m helping my daughter build hers back. We are starting with neutrals and I’m going to let her choose just a few accent colors so she can mix and match pieces. (I tried this method with my loungewear – safe place to start and I seem to have never ending combinations.) It works! You can do this!
4. Subtract before you add.
Purging is the first step to a better wardrobe. You have to clean it all out and determine what you want to keep and make a list of what you need to add. I mean if you add a new piece can you even jam it in there? Come on people… make room for the good stuff! There is no way I would have noticed that my daughter doesn’t own basics or even just nice clothes that fit without purging her closet way down. She honestly had no more room to add anything new. It felt ridiculous for her to say she had no clothes while she was standing in front of that stuffed closet. Purge. Then purge again.
5. Don’t beat yourself up over a few bad choices.
Ok… so you bought a dress that you thought was WOW… only to wind up hating it a few months later. It happens. To all of us. Even me and I’m careful. Let me tell you something. It’s ok. It really is. Let it go. It won’t make you happy to keep it. You won’t wear it if you keep it. Just let it go. Someone else will look hot in it and they will be thrilled you gave it away. Let go of the dress. Let go of any guilt. Let go of hoping your clothes will magically change shape and that boxy ugly dress will someday look fitted and amazing on you. Trust me. It won’t. Life is too short.
Bonus:
It takes work to build a beautiful wardrobe. You will have to try on so many things. You will have to buy the boring white t-shirt, but first you’ll have to find the right one. You will have to return things that don’t work. You will have to make a ton of decisions… but trust me. It’s going to be worth it! A curated closet simplifies your life, allows you to get ready in less time and best of all…. it will make you happier. Do the work!
Opening up your closet should be like arriving at a really good party where everyone you see is someone you like.
Amy Fine Collins